Category: feeling

oy vey!

28 Years

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Twenty-eight years ago, it was a Friday. I was excited about my date for the evening. He was definitely my type, Louisiana fella with dark hair. He had me smitten for a couple of weeks. After getting over his fear of dating the boss’s daughter (he worked part-time for my parents), he relented to my request for a ride in his new car.

He picked me up and asked what did I feel like doing for the evening? I responded with a timid girly first date line, “it doesn’t matter.”

He answered with the best way to get to my heart. He made me laugh. “How about we go get some bread & bologna and go to a dog fight.” I knew at that moment, he had me.

28 years later, he is still making me laugh, putting up with my messiness, and giving me more than I’ve ever deserved from another human being.

He is an amazing father, husband, son, friend, and Marine. Sometimes I scare myself how much I love him and how much I need him.

#rideordie #endgame #relationshipgoals

life meaning

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“Life meaning is always a derivative phenomenon that materializes when we have transcended ourselves, when we have forgotten ourselves and become absorbed in someone (or something) outside ourselves.” Irvin Yalom

August 2021

Oldest and Dearest

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I met Tonya Galle and Chuck Latham in 1980 in Ms. Richard’s class at Our Lady of Perpetual Help School in Belle Chasse, Louisiana. Tonya and I were immediately best friends. And Chuckie…..well, he is my first love. Lura Menard and I clicked in 1990 in Coach Lewis’ PE class at Belle Chasse High School sophomore year, we’ve been inseparable since.

Although we’ve lived in different states and towns for the last thirty years, these are the friends who’d help you bury a body and take the secret to their own grave. The friends who’d drop everything and fly to your rescue. The friends who would raise your children if anything ever happened to you.

There is no one on the planet I’d rather have than these roll dawgs.

Eternally yours,

Rosebud aka Stew

Oldest and Dearest

Mac Medical Update

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In November, we were optimistic that Mac’s EEG only showed one brief absence seizure trigger by photosensitive (flashing) lights. Unfortunately, on our way back from Louisiana (Dec 30th), Mac had tonic-clonic (grand mal) seizure. It was terrifying and treated at the ER. We believe, and his neurologist agreed, the bright sun flashing through the tree line on the interstate triggered the seizure while we were driving.

Today we saw his neurologist for prognosis & treatment. Statically speaking, tonic-clonic seizures are a typical phase of generalized epilepsy once a person with absence seizures reaches puberty. Mac started puberty in January 2019. At this time, you will slowly see a decrease in absence seizures, and tonic-clonic episodes will begin to manifest.

His neurologist reassured us tonic-clonic seizures were treatable with medication, and we had lots of options to choose from to find the right cocktail for Mac. He was hopeful that Mac only had one tonic-clonic since the 30th. We immediately took measures (blue-tinted glasses inside and dark sunglasses outside) to eliminate triggers and prevention.

Mac will be starting Zonegran today for the tonic-clonic seizures and maintaining all his other medications at present levels. We are continuing the Charlotte’s Web CBD oil because the benefits outweigh the cost. Hopefully, one day the FDA will change the required diagnosis for Epidiolex, and we can finally get that prescription filled 🤷🏻‍♀️.

In a nutshell, Mac is in the next phase of generalized epilepsy, and our mission is to medicate, treat, and take all measures to prevent any more seizures.

Thanks for the continued support, thoughts, and prayers for Mac and our family ❤️.

Thank You Elizabeth Wurtzel

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Elizabeth Wurtzel died of breast cancer yesterday. Her book Prozac Nation blew my mind at 20. Through her writing, I realized I too suffered from depression. One of her essays was re-published in honor of her work. I thought it was worth sharing.

“The best people are the ones you have to forgive for everything. You have no choice; it would be worse to live without them.” -Elizabeth Wurtzel

Cousins in Eastern NC

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Tina and Rosie

This evening I had the pleasure of hanging out with my cousin and some of my favorite fellas from high school. I love that geography and the passage of time hasn’t diminish us and we fall right back into place. You will always be home. And although I swore I’d never marry someone from Belle Chasse, you remind me why my people will always have my heart. You remind me why my senior year of high school was the best of times. In the transient life of a military spouse, it’s hard to find people who are trustworthy and reliable. Tonight was refreshing knowing if I needed anything, you would be there. #watereddownbarryquirk

We will miss you.

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Depression is a neurochemical imbalance, crippling to the point of not having control over your thoughts and feelings. What has helped me is the number one recommended treatment for depression; medication and therapy. I’m sure yoga, church, oils, diets, etc have helped others and that’s awesome for those people. However, some of us need medication and therapy. Then there are some who require more invasive measures like electroshock therapy and other experimental methods to treat their depression.

The main point I want to make for those who have never experienced depression, severe depression has absolutely nothing to do with other people. Depression in an internalized self-loathing prison only those who’ve experienced it could explain. There are no words from friends or relatives explaining how much you are loved or needed that will change a person’s mind in the depths of depression. This is why I need medication, this is why talk therapy sessions usually end up with a medical professional helping me through basic daily functions. Not reminding me how great I am, rather how to get out of bed, take a shower, and take my meds.

For those struggling with depression please remember you were prescribed medication and therapy for a reason. This is why I’m the friend who will openly ask “did you take your meds?”

If you suspect a person is struggling with depression, engage them. Talk about medication, doctors, and therapists. Drive them to their appointment, the pharmacy, watch them take their meds. Spend the night & the next morning watch them take their meds again and again……You cannot stop the self-loathing, the thoughts and feelings so don’t worry about what to “say” to a person with depression. It’s what you can do to assist in their treatment that could save their life.

Please don’t be angry at those who’ve lost the battle struggling with depression.

Bourdain lived a full life and always kept it real. I am eternally grateful to have lived on the planet at the same time and experienced his world. I would have spent my life interning for him 

Noonday Demon is the best written experience of depression I’ve ever come across.